Lover's Heart

My most recent blog would have you believe I feel like a superhero since I moved to Alaska, but now I'm thinking I'm not as impressive as I made myself out to be. I keep thinking of how my life could still be better. I want more friends, I want a girlfriend, I want a more satisfying job, and I want to stop feeling bad about not going further with my education.

I'm not completely down on myself though. I tell myself that I'm better than some of the idiots I've seen. I tell myself that I would know exactly how to treat a woman right once I have the chance to show her. I look forward to my brighter future and say to myself that I'll get there someday, and when people tell me that, I want to say "Duh. Stop stating the obvious." I'm a good guy, and I tell myself that all the pretty girls I see are just too young or immature to notice me. Having almost no friends made it so I had to rely on myself and become more mature than most guys, and the cute girls don't want mature, they want fun. I have fun in my own way, but unless I can find a girl that has fun the same way I do, they aren't going to be interested in me.

I don't really know when to consider an acquaintance as a friend, but my way of ranking people deals with the amount of effort put into being friends. So the people who actually come over to my house to hang out with me are the people who have moved up from acquaintances and become my friends. I've had 4 girls and 2 guys enter the home I was currently presiding in, and so far, only my friend Debra has given me consistent attention, therefore, I think of her as my only friend on this island right now. She has informed me that she might be moving to a different state in 8 months, so I'm not feeling very good on friends right now.

As for on-the-phone-friends, I still have a couple of girls I speak to. Kristy called me one day and I guess I've become acquainted with her again, but it seems to have gone back to her only talking to me if I talk to her first. Grace texted me out of nowhere too. I don't really consider either of them my friends again, but I'll talk to them if I'm lonely and/or bored. I have a couple online friends I speak with on the phone I know from online websites or games I've played. My best phone friend is still Katelyn Conroy. She still intends on visiting me here in Kodiak someday.

And as always, I miss my family. I keep hoping that someday we'll all live in one place, but I think of how the odds of that happening are pretty slim. We have such a large family, and everyone has their own responsibilities and preferences and dreams they must follow. I'll try not to be selfish and be happy for my distant family members.