Give me a break
*gasp* Look! A blog from Geoffrey! Yeah....I figured I'd write about me again. I'm gonna write about some of the problems I'm having. First off, I'd say that I've hit the wall again in my education. I just can't be forced to learn stuff I don't care about. I thought maybe since these subjects were in the field of psychology that I'd actually be willing to learn it, but I was wrong. I'm probably going to pass 2 of the 4 classes I'm taking, and I think it's because the instructor actually makes that class fun. Surprisingly, it's the same instructor for both classes. Mrs. Theresa Kay has a very unique teaching style that I find to be energetic, fun, and contemporary. She knows how the kids of today think. I've checked, and she only teaches 3 classes. The classes I'm taking from her are Introduction to Psychology and Interpersonal Relationships. She also teaches an Abnormal Psychology class. My Philosophy class is fun every now and then, but the work load is enormous. He would have us read about 10-25 pages before the lecture, and I have him M-W-F, which means I have to read 30-75 pages a week on a subject that isn't always interesting to me. I've also noticed that his tests are mostly on the reading that he has assigned to us. Meaning if I attended all of his classes but never read a page in the book, I'd get less than 50% on his tests. As for my Sociology class, it's not fun at all. I don't care about the major social problems in the world. Sure, a couple of these problems are affecting my life even now, but I still don't care. It's not something that peaks my interest. It's not something I'm willing to learn. The work load is considerable in this class as well. The instructor is forcing us to do some volunteer work that relates with one of the subjects she's going to teach us about this year. Yes, it's only 5 hours of volunteer work, but I also have to spend 3 hours writing a paper about my experience and how it ties in with the subject. It's like seeing 4 bad movies in a row. I don't want to waste 8 hours of my life.
As for my girlfriend situation, it's still as dramatic as ever. Grace and I broke up about a month ago, but she's expressed how she still needs me in her life, still needs my support. Her roommate is still hurting her every now and then. Her hours at her job are being cut because they aren't getting enough customers. Some of her ex-boyfriends online are causing her some grief. She finds great value in my friendship. She says I'm one of the things that's keeping her sane, but I say she's already crazy. She'll just get even more crazy if I stop supporting her. She's in love with a 15 year old now. She's willing to wait until he's old enough, but I still think she's absolutely crazy. She has no idea what love is. I think she attaches herself to anyone that's nice to her.
I'm currently going after my ex-girlfriend Kristy again. If you don't remember her, I blogged about her before. I posted pictures of her on that blog too. She's been jealous of all the other relationships I've talked to her about. She told me that she's always liked me and that she never stopped. She's told me what she wished would've happened when we were dating. And the way that we've been talking, she gives me the impression that there's no doubt that we'll be together again. But now, here comes her ex-boyfriend to ruin things. She's had a boy in her life for almost 4 years named Caleb. They've had good times and bad times and he's proposed to her before. Yesterday he went to her house and found her looking through some old pictures. They reminisced about old times, and after that, he proposed to her again. She pushed him away, and didn't say anything, but he left the ring on her finger and told her to think about it. Then she writes an email to me about it and says that she doesn't know what to do. I wrote an email back with my opinion and told her that it was her choice to make. She didn't like that very much. Many emails have been exchanged between us since then, and now she's testing to see how much I really care about her. Wants to see how I'll fight to talk to her. No one likes to be tested like that. I said to myself that I'll jump through some hoops for her, but I'm not going to beg. I called her over and over again for a little while, but I gave up after about 10 minutes.
Obviously I'm being pretty vague on the good stuff and pretty clear on the bad stuff, so I'm sure you're opinions of what I should do will probably be unsatisfactory in my eyes, but I'd like to hear them nonetheless. I know how much all of you care about me, and the help that you've offered me in the past was much appreciated. I've never viewed education in the same way everyone else in the family does, and I've had quite a different experience all together in my relationships. I think it's going to be hard to help me unless you've experienced something similar. I can't force myself to learn, and I can't shake this feeling that I need someone other than a family member to love me for who I am. What should I do?
posted by gamefreak @ 6:11 AM
14 comments
14 Comments:
I beg to differ, Geoffrey. You CAN force yourself to learn. In fact, that's what learning is: work. You don't just fall asleep with a textbook under your pillow and wake up a genius. There are millions of people who would, and do, work their rear ends off to get a college education, to get ahead in life. Yes, it's hard. It took me seven years. I hated some of the classes,some of the professors, some of the reading, but I also loved many others. It's not all fun and games, but it's worth it. Complain about the long hours, the boring reading, the stuffy professors if you like, but don't quit.
It's a matter of how I use my will power. You didn't like the work, but you willed yourself to keep moving forward. My will is working against me. I don't have a plan for what this education is going towards. Psychology was a subject that interested me, but I don't see myself working in a job related to psychology.
The teenage years can be so traumatic sometimes. I can tell between this blog and your last blog how much you have matured in the last six months. But it is a hard decision that all of us have to make at some point; what we want to do with the rest of our lives. You have to keep the end goal in sight to get through the here and now. If you don't have an end goal in mind its hard to see the relevance of the here and now. Good luck on your education; eventually you will be grateful that you made the effort now cause it's always so much harder to go back after a wife and children come along and you need to support them at the same time.
Geoff, my first thought is whether or not there are any extra activities that you can do at school to meet some new people. I agree whole-heartedly that it is important to have someone that loves you for you, and yes, outside of your family. I think that if you keep trying to meet people the way you have been, the end result is most likely always going to be the same. I don't see how you can develop a real relationship with someone online, or someone you've never met. 'If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!' Try switching things up, if you can.
As for school, I agree that it is NEVER going to be something you like 100% of the time. But keep at it! You have not failed until you quit. Keep trucking, little brother!!
I understand what you mean about psychology. I started out as a business major and ended up hating every single second of it. Finally, I switched to English and, even though there were things that weren't easy about that major, I knew that it was the one for me. This is one of the reasons why colleges and universities have you do your "bacc core" or your "generals": to explore your interests. In my mind, it was like jumping through a bunch of lame hoops and was just another way for the university to suck me dry of every last penny I had (we're talking music classes on Bob Marley, for crying out loud). HOWEVER, I will say that I learned a ton from those 'hoops' and heck, I even enjoyed that Bob Marley class.
Anyway, I'm rambling.
My point is this: keep exploring. I'm not sure if you've met with an academic counselor/advisor yet or not, but they are GODSENDS, I tell you. Their job in life is to help you find what YOU want to do. I think meeting with one, if you haven't already, is an excellent choice and will help you to not feel so lost.
Also, I would like to concur with Nolana about your maturity. I do see a difference in your latest post. Could it be all those horrible classes you're taking? ;)
Geoffrey, my first semester at the U of U, all I did was take various different classes that I thought might interest me to see what I wanted to do with my life. I never had the gift of foresight that Allison had in always knowing that she wanted to be a doctor. It was eventually one of my friends that pointed out to me that since I loved taking pictures so much, I should take a photography class. Now I am hooked. I think that you have to find something that you like and pursue it, even when its hard.
Geoffrey, I think you put way too much energy into actively looking for a relationship all the time. I understand that all of our older siblings are happily married and have families, and maybe in some ways, you want that too. However, you don't need to rush into anything just so that someone outside of the family will love you. I haven't been in a relationship for quite a while and I am still happy. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I still think I am doing okay. I think you need to let it come to you and stop trying so hard to force it. You aren't going to find anyone to love you for you until you figure out who the hell you are. You have no idea what you want to do, give up on anything hard that comes your way and play video games all day long.
I think that since you are the baby in the family, we have always tried to make things easier for you, saving you from having to go through the hardships that we did. Now I see that we didn't do you any favors. Life is hard Geoffrey. That doesn't mean that you get to hide in your video games. At the end of the day, no one cares how many levels you beat, or how many bosses you killed. Get out and try some new things. Meet new people. Read a book. You have never had to stay up the long hours into the night to finish a report. Mom was always there to help you, or you just didn't care enough to finish it. I feel like nothing matters to you.
Some of this might not be fair. I don't ever really see you, so I can't say for sure how you always act. For me though, I work full-time while going to school full-time. I baby-sit in the mornings and often loose a lot of sleep in order to get my homework done. so when I hear you complain about a 5 hour service project, the whole thing is completely laughable to me. You might have noticed that we don't talk and hang out like we used to. That is because I have the hardest time relating to you anymore. You don't care about anything I have to say. Instead of joining in with conversations, you pull out your Gameboy. All I ever hear you say is you don't care.
I have stopped driving you around so that maybe you will find some desire to get your own car. I have stopped paying for you to do things so maybe you will understand the need to get a job to earn money. I have stopped taking you to movies with me and my friends so that maybe you will find some of your own. I LOVE you. I really do. When you figure that out, and have something more to add to a conversation that what game you are playing, give me a call. I love to hear what you have to say when you pull your head out of a game long enough to realize you are missing your own life. You are almost 19. I wish that you would start acting like it. I know you are going to be pissed when you read this. I'm sorry for that, but this is how I feel. Come talk to me when you want, but in the meantime, I actually have responsibilities that I need to take care of. I hope one day you know what that means.
Chelsee,
I understand how you feel, but Geoff's blog isn't the place to rant and rave about your brothers life and your feelings about it. Just remember that EVERYBODY can read this and it would have been better to just send him an email about all of it.
Geoff,
There are some things that people have said that I would like to reiterate. There are more things in this life that are hard and difficult than there are fun and easy. School is difficult and time consuming. I can't tell you how many hours I've spend in the last 4 months doing a weekly 5 page essay. You have to go through the hardships to make it through to the end.
I wish you all the best of luck with any of your relationships you may have. My one recommendation: try to find somebody a little closer and not on the internet. Just my recommendation.
If you decide that school isn't for you after this semester, you should really look into getting a job. I know a job isn't very high on your priority list but I will say that it's worth it. You can always find a job out there that you will like.
I think you are wrong Gary. If this is the place Geoffrey chooses to tell all us all about his life, than I would rather tell him here where it can be an open discussion. He asked for my opinion and I gave it.
Shame on you Geoff. It makes me angry how you threw away this grant money. Someone else with ambition and drive was denied a grant because of you and you basically spit on it. I don't care if you don't like your teachers, you won't like some bosses in the future ,if you ever get a job, but you will have to deal with them any way.
Your biggest problem is you don't respect money and the hard work it takes to obtain it.
I know you didn't want to go to college and that your mom applied for the grants for you, but she was being a good mom and trying to look out for your future. She deserves your respect and at least a honest effort from you. Not every one has a mom like yours.
I told you that a college course is different from high school and that the credit hours tell you how much homework to expect. You are an adult now. People will no longer help your apathy towards work. I applaud your teachers decision to not let you take the test late. It is a lesson that is true to adulthood, most of the time there is no make-up or a way to get lost time back.
You are an adult, as an adult you have to make sacrifices with leisure activities, it sucks but every one has to give up time they would rather be playing. Your parents will not always be there or always allow you to play all the time.
You know what? This is why I don't like to blog. I'm looking for acceptance for what I'm doing. I'm looking for people to be okay with what I have chosen to do with my life. Part of the reason I feel I need to have a girlfriend right now is so that I can feel that acceptance. I know who I am, and I think it's about time I feel good about it.
I didn't waste the grant money Jay. I still learned from my experience. Just because I probably failed some of the classes doesn't mean I wasted the money. People learn from failure too. I don't give up on things that are hard Chelsee, I give up on things that I don't find any worth in. It's the same way with Wesley and how he is with movies and games. He gets fed up with the same story shown differently. He doesn't find worth in that. I will do the shitty jobs and endure the long hours in the night doing papers if I find worth in doing the work. If I disagree with what I am being forced to do, then I won't do it. It's not my fault if the professor created a shitty lesson plan.
I find worth in my games. I feel that I do it better than most others can. I find worth in overcoming challenges that others can't. I'm sick of hearing about how I should stop playing my games, or how I should shorten the amount of time I use on them. This is what makes me happy right now. If I lose that, I will probably go insane. I always find other things to make me happy like hanging out with the family, but I can't always have that, and my games are always going to be there. When I find something else that makes me happy, then I will devote my full attention to it. And don't think that I'm not looking. I've tried college classes, I've tried reading other books, I've tried to hang out with friends, I've tried to get a girlfriend.
I'm not the same person as I was before. I am trying new things. I'm not stuck here in my little protective shell. I've been through hardships before, and I've taken responsibility for what I've done and I've learned from it. Fuck you if you don't respect me for what I'm doing or what I've done.
This is what I've decided to do: I'm going to stop going to college for now. I'm not ready for it. I've learned that. I'm going to look for a job that I'll semi-enjoy, make my own money, and use that money to take college classes in smaller doses to find a subject that truly excites me. I'll probably find ways to work on getting into a relationship with a woman somewhere along the way too. If you still can't respect me for THAT, you can go to hell.
Don't expect me to blog again. Right now, I'm not finding much worth in it.
Now now, Geoffrey. Don't turn your back on your family here. You are the one who asked "What should I do?"
These are the people who love you most. And yes, even I care about you, Geoffrey. I've known you since you were in diapers.
It's hard to hear when those you care about don't agree with your decisions, but I suspect that at some point you will learn that your family is right. They are giving you good, honest advice. They are answering the question you posed yourself. If you want to learn from what they are telling you now, that would be wonderful. If you choose to be angry because you are stubborn, so be it, but when you finally do learn the lesson, it's going to be harder for you.
You probably like gaming so much because you feel like it's something you're good at. But you know what? You won't find anything else you're good at if you don't try other things (even beyond trying to find a girlfriend or hanging with the family). So you say you're going to take a break from school right now. That's fine, but what are you taking a break for? To game until you're ready? When will that be?
Think about it.
I understand that the criticism I receive from my family is meant to be constructive, but the way I've been criticized in some of my comments was not done in a way that expressed that. I get the impression that some of my family members look down on me, pity me, and find parts my individual self disgusting. That may not be the case, but that is how I felt when reading some of these comments. You do NOT have to make me feel sorry for being ME to make me change. You don't have to point out that I've done nothing worth while and make me feel like shit. There is NOTHING wrong with me. I haven't done anything wrong. "I don't mind being unimpressive, I sleep better."
You can argue that this is all about getting me into a position where I'll be happier than I am now, but I'm not going to buy it. Good intentions aren't worth anything if you take a stab at my character. I have a retort for every single accusation made about me in these comments, but I'm going to say them face to face or on the phone as they should have done with me.
Probably a good call on the talking face to face thing, although I suspect your family who loves you would say the same thing to your face as they would say here.
Look, Geoff. All I know is that you come from a family of super duper smarty pants. You are no different. Yes you are good at gaming, but there is probably a whole world of things you are good at that you don't even know about yet. I just don't want you to put all your eggs into the gaming basket.
(and, I suppose this is the forum for me to say these things, since I never see you face to face, and well, talking on the phone would be weird. ;) )
Also, sorry to beat the dead horse that is the school subject, but have you thought about trying some computer science classes? I have a good friend who works for Hp and GUESS what he does for a living?! He designs computers for...GAMING! Pretty sweet gig, if you ask me. Just sayin'.
This might not be the right forum for this comment, but I DON'T CARE:
Abby ROCKS.
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