Every Little Thing

Remember when I had shingles on my side? Allison told me that I probably got it due to stress. It started to itch in that same spot again the other night. I think I should probably unload all the baggage I've been carrying. Sorry if you're sick of seeing my blog being used to complain. There's been a lot of little things going wrong, that are starting to add up and make me depressed.

For one thing, my phone isn't working anymore. I guess I dropped it in the snow and the screen stopped working. I could still use it to call people, and receive calls, but a majority of the other functions I used it for were unavailable. I use it to text, I use it to see what day and time it is, I use it to see in the dark. I use it for an alarm for when I need to wake up or go back to work from my breaks. I've put good use into my phone, and now its pretty much dead. I've been trying to get a hold of dad to see what I needed to do to get a new phone or get this one fixed. He said that he would go to the Verizon Wireless carrier in Costco and talk about it with them. That was more than a week ago. I've tried contacting him 5 or 6 times with no luck. Its not his fault though. He's a busy guy. I can't expect him to drop everything and get my problem fixed. But now my phone can't send or receive calls anymore. I don't know what happened. Maybe dad took my phone off his account. I'll probably just get a new phone from AT&T here. I'll lose all my pictures and contacts, but at least I'll have a working phone again.

There's been some computer issues too. Steve felt the internet connection was slow because of viruses or spyware, so he blocked us from visiting any potentially harmful websites. And then he saw that my computer was the worst, so he made it so I couldn't access the internet on my computer in the house. This frustrated just about everyone except Steve, because Allison can't go onto Top Secret, and Wesley can't go onto Pirate Bay, and I couldn't look at porn anymore. Yes, I use porn. Big shocker. Its something I use to settle my urges, and get over the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. I feel its one of the best things for me to use, because I'm not spending money on dirty magazines, and I'm not becoming one of those assholes who just wants to get laid. I can deal with not looking at porn, its just dealing with no porn AND everything else attached to it. I'm not allowed to download anything, so no more playing Shadow Era at home because I'm not allowed to download the Unity Player. No more doing school work at home because I'm not allowed to download Adobe. And I can't right-click with this stupid mac mouse to see how to spell things right. Steve hasn't liked sharing the house with me and Wesley, but if this is a passive aggressive way to get us out, I guess its working. Wesley moved out. I'm pretty sure he didn't leave because it was cheaper rent or a better location. Its because he didn't like the restrictions Steve put up. And now I feel partially responsible, because I was the guy slowing down the network the most.

Those things, along with my worries about school, work, and friends has been a little overwhelming. And it keeps spiraling down, because depression takes its toll. I'm not sleeping enough. I'm not eating enough. I'm not working as fast at work. I'm becoming more easily irritated. I'm almost wishing someone would start a fight with me. If my supervisor tells me to work faster, BOOM, I'll explode and tell him about how he and everyone else slacks off in their own way and that I'm having some depression issues and that he should be glad I'm even coming in to work right now. Of course that will never happen. I'll just nod and say okay, because I know what the consequences might be if I talked back to him like that.

But through all of this, Allison has been there. It helps me when she's there to listen to me vent about my problems, and it even helps to have her want to hang out with me and watch episodes of Heroes every now and then. She's been a pillar of strength for everyone. She has a busy life and puts up with so much shit at work, and she still makes time to help everyone else. I'm so grateful to be living with her and to have her support. So I just thought it would be nice for all of us to recognize how awesome she is. Thank you so much Allie.