Social

This may very well be the longest blog I will ever write. You should all know what's going on with me right now. I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get a girlfriend. Being the anti-social person I am, it's very difficult for me. I've mainly been interested in three girls this whole time. The first of which you should know already from my last blog: Kristy Hartley. She really seemed like the perfect match for me. She turned 18 three months before I did, she likes a lot of the same music I do, she's an atheist, and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. But alas, she has begun to be more self-destructive than caring. She has started to push everyone away from her. She has had a very hard life and she can't let go of her past. She has had problems with abusive men, drugs, family, and friends. She may still have problems with all of the above right now, but she and I haven't talked about her in a long time, so I wouldn't know. I still care for her, but she's making it very hard to do so, since she doesn't want to be cared for.
The Second girl I've been interested in is Sarah Andrasick. She is 15 going on 16 this January. She is a sophomore, and she rides the same bus I do. She is confidant, independent, and caring. One of the things I didn't like about her though is that she is a major flirt. She's had a lot of relationships with other men, and as far as I know, she's still looking for a boyfriend. The fact that she is Mormon never got between us until just before this last Christmas break. I talked to her about what it would take to have a relationship with her, and she wanted me to come back to Mormonism and go on a mission. I've decided that I'm not going to change myself for her, so I'm no longer interested in her. She and I will remain close friends, because we've already shared a lot with each other.
And lastly, I've been interested in Cheyenne Gene Loeper. (she likes to go by Chey) She is 13 going on 14 this March and she lives in New York. We've gotten to know each other very well over the internet and over the phone, and we may very well love each other. I'm sure there are many complaints you would love to say right now. How can we love each other? We're too young to know what true love is. She's only 13, so if I truly loved her, I would go under the classic definition of a pedophile. The relationship we have is long distance so how can it work anyway? Quite frankly, I don't care. I know, that's the classic teenager response isn't it? I don't care what you say, I'll do what I want. If we truly love each other, then age and location shouldn't matter. I met her on an online game called cabal and I'm proud to announce that most of her family plays cabal as well and they approve of me. Her parents agree that if I truly love her, then nothing else matters. Sadly, my parents do not feel the same. As soon as my dad was informed of my situation, he intervened. He talked with my mom and then talked with me. He said that obviously he can't MAKE me do anything. I'm an adult now, and I'm old enough to make my own decisions. But he strongly suggested that this relationship may not be a good idea. I could get into a lot of trouble. I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I think if I do just one thing wrong, I could go to jail. That's how thin the ice is. I know he just cares about me, and doesn't want me to get hurt, but he doesn't know the situation like I do.
There are even more complications. My dad basically said that it's crazy to ask a 13 year old to be committed. And true enough, there's another boy online that Chey says she loves. I believe he's 16, only lives one state below Chey, and is very much like me. (as Chey keeps telling me) To make this even more ironic, his first name is Paul too. I'm sure at least one of the reasons Chey is attracted to him is that he seems to be a more perfect match for her. Her family doesn't agree. All they want is for Chey to be happy, and they believe that I would make her the happiest. They've told her this many times, but like my dad said, it's crazy to ask a 13 year old to be committed. I was hurt when Chey said she wanted Paul more than she wanted me, so I tried to move on. I met another girl online named Ashelynn. She said she had been a lesbian for six years because she was hurt so badly in her past by other men, but she realized that I was different from other men. (just as Chey did) She said she was 21, lived in a college dorm, and she said that she wanted to go out with me. (she didn't tell me what state she lived in) I thought "Wow, she's taking a chance dating a guy after six years, and she's taking that chance on me." Plus, if I was dating her, I wouldn't have to worry about people judging me so harshly for dating someone so much younger than me. When she asked me to be her boyfriend, I tried to tell her that I still had feelings for Chey, but she asked me to just say yes or no, so I said yes. You can make a group called a guild on cabal, and Ashelynn and I were in Chey's guild, so Ashelynn announced we were dating in the guild chat. Chey was furious. She said she hated me and never wanted me to speak to her again. All of this was also said in the guild chat. Paul was confused why Chey was so angry I was with someone else. Both Ashelynn and I felt terrible. I thought if she could date other people, why can't I? But, apparently, I was wrong in thinking this. Chey's mom said she's never cried as hard as she did that night. Chey said she didn't realize how much she really loved me until then. So I broke up with Ashelynn, thinking that she'd understand, but she blew up at me too. She said that this is why she didn't want to date men, and that I was no different from the rest of them. She said a lot more, but basically, she loathes the very thought of me now. Chey still hasn't broken up with Paul, and she's told me that she's ok with me dating other people now, but I don't know if I can do that again.
I've been planning on visiting Chey this summer. I'd have to pay about 400$ just to go see her for a couple of weeks. Once again, her parents are ok with it, but not mine. I've told my mom this before, and she was ok with it, but not after she talked with dad. Again, I'm sure they just don't want me to be hurt, but I want to do it anyway. I'm going to try and get a job soon so I can have the money to do it. I'm sure they'll respect my decision to go, but I'm sure it'll still be frowned upon. Dad has suggested some plans to make me a more social and well-balanced individual, but I'm pretty sure he's just trying to help me get a girlfriend here instead of out in New York. The plans he suggested are as follows: I'd go to Viewmont next semester instead of NUAMES, and mom and I would go to church on Sundays. He said it would be strictly for more social interactions. He said he'd even come with us whenever he's in town just to show us how committed he is to the idea. Being the persuasive talker he is, I've agreed with dad on these plans. These plans have already been set into motion. We've already gone to get me a suit to wear at church, mom said she'd see what it would take for me to go to Viewmont, and I'm supposed to see what it would take for me to drop my classes with NUAMES. It will cost quite a bit of money, but dad said he'd pay for any and all of the costs because he feels it's so important. I don't know if this is his way of making me find someone other than Chey, but it won't work if it is. Chey is the only girl that accepts me for my flaws and said that she loves me back. I want very much to make my relationship with Chey work, even with all the facts against it. I'd appreciate having your opinion on this matter, so let me know what you think. Either by calling me, coming to see me, or leaving your comment on this blog, I'd like to hear what you think. (calling isn't a very good idea because I'll probably be talking with Chey) Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, but I'm sure the length of this one will cover it. :)