Going Without

Three more days until my birthday. People have been asking me what I would like, and I haven't been able to give them a straight answer. I don't really know what I want. I don't have any games in mind. All music can be downloaded or streamed for free. I can go without watching movies or television episodes. I have no desire for any new technology other than a better computer, and that would be just to prove once and for all that our internet is slow and not the computer. This little laptop Wesley is letting me use is probably fine. I don't even care if I get magic cards. It would be nice, but I've got no one to play with up here in Alaska. And there will always be better cards to come in the future.

The things I want for sure are things that people can't really help me get; a better job, a girlfriend, or just more friends. Its been hard for me to connect with anyone here. As far as I can tell, I just haven't met the right kind of people. Everyone here is caught up in their own lives and doesn't give me a chance. My pessimistic side tells me we wouldn't get along anyway. A lot of the people I've met like to go party and get drunk or do drugs. I'm not desperate enough to change myself for them. I like who I am, and I want to find people who feel the same way about themselves and about me.

In three days I'll be old enough to legally drink alcohol, but I don't have any real desire to do that either. I don't see the point. I have no desire for a nasty after-taste in my mouth or a warm feeling in my stomach. I have no desire for slurred speech, or saying things in my head without meaning to. I like to keep my wits about me, and I have other ways to deal with stress.

All I have to look forward to is a good time with the family I have here. It will be my first birthday without my mom and most of my sisters, but I'm sure we'll still have a good time. As always, I miss my family. We've all been each other's best friends. But I understand that having the whole family together is just another thing I can go without. As long as we still get to see each other every now and then, that's fine with me.